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The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know
how little you think of his evil!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I
ought to aggravate anybody!"
Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower
decoration of the altar.
The catholic florist - $ 300. "Too expensive" moans the priest.
The protestant florist - $ 250, "No, it would not be right to buy at
another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather
small." But lo! Solly Goldberg - $ 75!!!
Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the
On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful
roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last
reservations are discarded.
When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent
flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:
"Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same."
Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?"
Jesus says, "Just hanging around."
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),
and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went
well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was
reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently
patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to
pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned
"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a
humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters -
they are married to God."
"Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send
the bill to my brother-in-law."
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa.
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