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When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went
out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice
him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was
this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The
the guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the
bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went
over to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his
back. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.
Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of this
guy, and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to get
the hell out of here!"
Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the
weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest
explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few
paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What
landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the
circle god kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same,
except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest
and the money that landed inside the circle god kept.
The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw the money
into the air and what god wants, god takes."
A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much
in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, "Tell me,
Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?"
"No," said Mrs Finkelstein. "I haven't. What's going on in Rome?"
"A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things,
decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of
Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. "Indeed? And who is responsible, then?"
"I'm not sure," said Mrs. Moskowitz. "I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans."
On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily
business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star
of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the
cross wearer and the other was overlooked.
Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he take
off the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs.
"Get this guy, Chaim" laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross
wearing pal, "He's trying to teach *us* how to do business!"
The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of
the town tavern.
"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven
"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"
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